"Paper-Pregnancy"

We are PAPER-pregnant!

I had a friend email me a couple of weeks ago.  In the email (she had sent it to several other friends as well) she talked about how we were all "expecting" this year and how exciting it is that we all get to go through this at the same time.  At first, I thought to myself- "Oops, she somehow sent this to me on accident".   And then I remembered, I AM expecting this year!!  It's been crazy how different this paper-pregnancy has been in comparison to my pregnancy with Evan.  I think the hardest part for me is all of the "unknowns".  Sure, there are unknowns with typical pregnancies....  but you at least know when your due date is, and when you can expect certain things to happen throughout the process.  And it's a CERTAINTY that you won't be carrying your child for much more than 9 months!  And with adoption (especially international adoption), NOTHING IS CERTAIN.  You don't have routine check-ups with your ob doctor, don't get to feel the baby kick, don't get to watch your belly grow, and you don't have any excuses to eat, eat, and eat!! And I must admit, I feel much more emotional with this paper-pregnancy than I ever did during my pregnancy with Evan.  And I can't even blame it on the hormones this time!!

As emotional and uncertain as this road is, I'm really trying to focus on the positives and the "fun" things about our paper-pregnancy.  Which is very hard for a type-A, perfectionist like me who LOVES TO PLAN!!  I find myself thinking everyday about how today could be our little girl's birthday, or wondering if *TODAY* will be the day we could perhaps get our phone call introducing us to our little one!  And I'm desperately trying to replace all my worry and fear with prayers for our little girl.  Prayers that she has someone to love on her today, prayers that she has food to eat, prayers that she is somewhere safe, prayers that God will protect her, and prayers that God will continue to prepare our hearts and the hearts of our entire family to love on this precious little girl.  And in the middle of my excitement to meet this little one and expand our family, I am also torn with the fact that on the other side of the world, there is *most likely* a birth family who is faced with the tough decisions of relinquishing their precious baby..   and I'm a completely different kind of emotional.  Broken as I put  myself in the place of a parent faced with the decision of giving up a child in order for them to have food to eat and a chance at life.   But in everything, I'm CHOOSING each day to trust in God's perfect plan for our family and our baby girl...  knowing that He is in complete control.... 

We treasure your prayers and support for our family throughout this paper-pregnancy!